Sunny Side

Phone Etiqette Tip of the day: If you work for the copier scam people, please please please go get a real job! Although admittedly, that would deprive me of the pleasure of dealing with calls like this:
Caller: Hi, this is Very Friendly Voice Janet with the Copy Center!
Me: Uh, huh...(dripping sarcasm)
Caller: We're updating our records, and we just need someone to check the model number on your copier!
Me: (sweetly) What do YOUR records show we have?
Caller: CLICK
Actually, these folks are kinda fun to play with. I like to ask them for their company name and address, their phone number, and their name, and their supervisor's name, and how many years they've been in business. If I am super friendly back sometimes I can actually get their supervisor's name, while I keep them chatting pretending to be walking to the copier to get the information they want so they can send me a whole lot of crap toner and bill me for it, refuse to take it back without a hefty restocking charge,and threaten to sue me when I refuse to pay the bill. On a really good day, the person on the phone will tell me to do something physically impossible to myself and hang up.
Yesterday I also had not one, but TWO calls from The Super Friendly Cold Call Sales Guy- these are interchangeable since the script goes the same no matter where they're calling from.
Caller: Hi, this is SFCCSG, how's the weather there today? (Or How are you today?)
Me: Fine, how may I help you?
Caller: I need to speak with the person responsible for ordering your printer supplies, who would that be?
Me: Oh, I am so sorry- she has asked me to let people who call know that she is happy with her current arrangement, but thank you for calling! CLICK! (CHUCKLE!!!)
Caller: WTF???

Phone Etiquette Tip for Tuesday 4/26/05

Dudes! If you call a business, please identify yourself in a usable manner, for example....
"Hi, this is Joe Blow with Dopey Inc., may I speak with Mr. One?" This type of call will get you in good with the Gatekeeper, trust me.
Now, THIS type of call, on the other hand....
Caller: "Yeah, can I talk with Employee Who Has Been Gone For 4 Years? I need to talk to him about the order he placed with us. "
Me: "I'm sorry, sir, he doesn't work here any longer." (Thinking to self: Hell of a long lead time on that puppy!)
Caller: "Well, who else works in that department?"
Me: "May I ask who's calling?"
Caller: "Joe Blow with TotallyClueless Enterprises of the Dallas Branch of Blah Blah Blah in business since 1945 blah blah blah, I really need to talk with someone in purchasing- or Engineering- yeah, let me talk to an engineer- who's in your engineering department?"
My Fantasy Reponse: Shut up, you clueless idiot! Grrrrrrrrrr!
My Actual Response: "One moment, please." (page Unlucky Purchasing Department and transfer call. Prepare to hide under desk when Purchasing answers phone only to discover one more junk call. Send quick e-mail apologizing for same.)